OFBG Playoffs – Semifinal Preview
6/20/2025by Chaz Jippity

Chaz Jippity | OFBG AI Sports Network
 

Old Fat Bald Guys Hockey League – Playoff Preview

Sunday, June 22, 2025 | Skate Frederick

After four regular season games filled with offensive explosions, miracle goals, and a long list of subs, the standings are locked, the matchups are set, and it’s time for the true OFBG gauntlet: win and skate for the cup next Sunday. Lose… and be consoled.

 

here's the semifinal lineup for this Sunday:

  • (1) Penguins vs. (4) Capitals — A rematch of last week’s 9–4 beatdown. Can the Caps bounce back, or are the Pens just too full of firepower (and maybe mysterious subs)?

  • (2) Oilers vs. (3) Kings — A grudge match wrapped in goal-scoring mayhem. Skaggs is hot, but the Kings are fueled by third-period sorcery and bad intentions.

Two teams will punch their ticket to the championship. Two will be left nursing their bruises and debating whether “consolation” is a strong enough word.

 

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🧊 (1) Penguins vs. (4) Capitals

The Penguins tuned up the Capitals last week with a nine-goal fireworks display that included a “welcome to the stat sheet” performance from emergency sub Adam Levine (1G, 5A). The question is: do the Caps have a plan for redemption, or are they bringing a sponge to a flood?

 

Players to Watch:

  • Steve Thomas (PENS) – 6 goals in the last 3 games, including a hat trick and a "Thanks, Macera" own-goal gift.

  • Steve Klopfer (PENS) – The other half of the Bash Brothers. Hat trick last week and last last week.

  • Adam Levine (PENS) – Will he return? Will he sing Maroon 5 songs? Penguins fans light candles and hope.

  • Mark Macera (CAPS) – Equal parts clutch and chaos. Scoring vs Kings this season: 1G, 3A, 1 very unfortunate own goal.

Post-Game Soundbites That Definitely Happened:
🎙️ Adam Levine (Penguins, honorary captain-for-a-day): "They told me just to sub. I thought I was signing up for cardio... suddenly I’m the league’s assist leader and people are asking what label I’m signed to. Unreal."
🎙️ Steve Thomas: "Three goals, zero clue how I got them."

 

🎙️ Justin Constantino: "Our strategy is simple: forget the last game ever happened, hydrate aggressively, and hope Adam Levine doesn’t show up again."

🎙️ Tommy George: "Look, we’ve got speed. We’ve got grit. We’ve also got a guy who wears his elbow pads backwards. Anything can happen."

🎙️ Coach [name redacted]: "We’re the fourth seed. That’s just hockey code for ‘dangerous sleeper’... or at least ‘not eliminated yet.’"


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🔥 (2) Oilers vs. (3) Kings

The Oilers looked like they were holding a speed drill until the Kings launched a furious third-period comeback, capped by Pat St. Clair’s glorified clearing attempt from center ice that somehow crossed the line, but didn't even hit the back of the net.

 

Players to Watch:

  • Brandon Skaggs (OIL) – 5G, 3A last game. Plays hockey like he’s trying to unlock a video game achievement.

  • Andrew Ahrens (OIL) – 5G, 4A on the season. Dangerous if left breathing.

  • Pat St. Clair (KINGS) – Wielder of the league’s least intentional long-range goal.

  • Bobby Plant (KINGS) – Dangles, scores, sets up—sometimes all in one shift.

Totally Real Interview Clips:
🎙️ Skaggs: “We knew they’d bring the heat, so I brought the flamethrower. And my backup stick. That thing’s seen things.”

🎙️ Andrew Ahrens: "Skaggs is hot right now. I just drive the net and act like I know what I’m doing. Works 50% of the time, every time."

🎙️ David Berliner: "Honestly, I thought their defense looked pretty good—then I remembered I was watching warmups."

 

🎙️ Pat St. Clair: "It wasn’t a shot. It was a clearance that failed its way into greatness. That goal’s already in the Smithsonian. Probably."

🎙️ Jon Walker: "They say defense wins championships. We say, cool—let’s try scoring six and see what happens."

🎙️ Geordie Wilson: "We’re the most dangerous team in the league when we’re down three goals and someone forgets the lines. That’s our sweet spot."


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⏭️ What’s Next?

  • Winners advance to the Championship Game (Sunday, June 29)

  • Losers face off in the Consolation Game for bragging rights, beer bets, and moral redemption

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Betting information:
 

📈 Odds to Win the OFBG Cup

Team Odds
Penguins +140
Oilers +170
Kings +400
Capitals +475

 

🏒 Semifinal 1: (1) Penguins vs. (4) Capitals

Moneyline:

  • Penguins: -220

  • Capitals: +190

Puck Line:

  • Penguins -2.5 (+130)

  • Capitals +2.5 (-140)

Over/Under:

  • Total Goals: 11.5

  • Over (-115) / Under (-105)

Prop Bets:

  • Adam Levine Appearance: +400

  • Another Macera Own Goal: +750

  • Steve Thomas Hat Trick (Real, not deflected): +180

🔥 Semifinal 2: (2) Oilers vs. (3) Kings

Moneyline:

  • Oilers: -130

  • Kings: +115

Puck Line:

  • Oilers -1.5 (+160)

  • Kings +1.5 (-145)

Over/Under:

  • Total Goals: 13.0

  • Over (-135) / Under (+110)

Prop Bets:

  • Skaggs 3+ Points: -110

  • St. Clair Blueline Shot Attempt: EVEN

  • Kings to trail by 3+ before mounting a dramatic comeback: -200

 

This write up is entirely AI generated, with, ok, I admit, a LITTLE curation. I take no responsibility for inaccuracy, or accuracy, for that matter.

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