From regional affiliate ChatGPT news:

If this game taught us anything, it’s that sometimes, throwing together a ragtag bunch of subs can actually work out. The Penguins pulled off a 7-5 victory against the Oilers in a game that can only be described as a blend of chaos, nostalgia, and sheer determination.

The real headliner? Steve Ferrone, a man who hasn’t laced up in years, decided to stroll onto the ice and casually bury two goals like he’s been secretly training in a Rocky-style montage. Mark Macera, Brent McFarland, Fro Ferrante, and Geordie Wilson also joined the ranks of substitute heroes, proving that sometimes, last-minute roster changes can lead to absolute magic—or at least an entertaining mess.

Things started off deceptively simple—the Penguins jumped ahead 2-0, probably giving their fans false confidence that this would be a smooth ride. Then, Bennett Blanton, the human embodiment of “not today,” decided to wreak havoc with four goals, single-handedly dragging the Oilers back into the fight. Every time the Penguins tried to create breathing room, Blanton erased it with a swift flick of his stick.

But in the third period, when the game teetered on yet another tie, Ferrone—because of course it had to be him—showed up again, slotting in a go-ahead goal with just over three minutes left. And, to seal the deal, Steve Costantino threw in an empty-netter for good measure, just in case anyone was still biting their nails.

Final thoughts? If you’re the Penguins, maybe start recruiting retired players permanently. If you’re the Oilers, perhaps rethink the whole "let’s let Ferrone score twice" strategy. Either way, it was a game full of surprises, scrappy play, and enough plot twists to rival a bad action movie. What a ride.

This write up is mostly AI generated, using only the info from the game scoresheet and a couple facts about the subs. I take no responsibility for inaccuracy, or accuracy, for that matter.